July 9, 2008

• Sam’s View From the Towel: Feet

  I love feet. But, you know, being a cat, I have my standards:

  1. I love feet…. but I don’t loooooooove feet. Let’s just get THAT straight right now. Keep your paws away from my junk, please.

  2. The stinkier, the better. My dream feet smell like sweat, a piece of bacon, horse-poop, my own urine, and a California roll.

  3. I love stinky tootsies, but you HAVE to clean that crap growing under your big toe nail… but for the love of God, don’t throw that living bit of goop out. I think it may be a cure for something.

  4. You can put your foot down on my stomach and rub my belly that way… but if you put your foot down too hard, you will be scratched! I don’t like to break out the claws, but I’m not too into being cat-handled, either. Apply pressure at your own risk.

  5. If you rub the rough calloused skin at the bottom of your foot against my forehead, I will lick the bottom of your foot. If you are very ticklish, you should perhaps just pet me with your hand.

  6. If you move your foot under the covers, don’t be surprised when I attack. I can’t help it and I like it and I HAVE to do it, so just put your big human pants on and deal with it!

  7. If you don’t want me to scratch, chew, drool on, and rub myself against your shoes, don’t wear them.

  8. If you don’t want me to pee on your shoes, don’t leave them on the floor. Everything on the floor is mine, including your feet. Mine!

  

  • 12:33 am
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