July 26, 2008

• To Meow Or Not to Meow: A Public Service Message From The Sam

  As you probably know (if you don’t know, please see some of my mommy’s earlier posts), I’m not my mommy and daddy’s natural cat. I am adopted. I know that for some folks, being adopted can impact the psyche, the ego, the future. Not me. I’m a cat. I always land on my… well, you know the expression.

  If you have ever thought about adopting a feline of thine own, think on these things first:

  1. If you want to be an “owner” or a “master”… get a dog. You don’t own a cat. We own you, if anything. We are superior beings. That is just the natural order of things. You cannot mess with that.

  2. The kitty sleeps wherever the kitty wants. You need to go around. If that does not appeal to you, don’t get a cat. Perhaps a gerbil is the right pet for you?

  

  3. We demand your complete and undivided attention… when we want it. For the most part, we don’t really care about what you want.
  
  

  4.
  We like food. Get the good stuff, and keep it coming. Same goes for
  fresh water. If you can’t afford to feed a kitty, don’t get a kitty.
  
  

  5. We require fresh litter. We’ll let you know when you’ve let it sit too long… and you won’t
  like the way we ‘tell’ you. So if you don’t want to keep a cat’s
  commode clean, adopting a kitty may not be for you. Good luck finding a
  pet that doesn’t poop.
  
  

  6. We play rough sometimes. There are
  times when we like peace, quiet, and a warm, soft hand on our bellies,
  sure, but if you play with us, you may receive claw marks. If you don’t
  know enough to revere them as marks of honour, maybe you should think
  “goldfish” instead of “kitty”. Don’t think you can solve this by
  surgically removing parts of a cat’s paw, either (when your kid ruins your
  furniture, do you remove his or her fingers?)… we have other ways,
  you know… you may take away our claws, but you will never
  take away our… FREEEEEEEDOMMMM!

  

  7. We love to clean ourselves… especially our genitals… especially
  when you have company. If that makes you uncomfortable… well, fish
  ARE pretty to look at… And they don’t use their tongues to clean
  themselves. Wait. Do fish have tongues?

  

  Mmmmm… fish are yummy…

  This has been a public service announcement brought to you by The Sam and his peeps.
  

  • 9:22 am
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