There are many reasons to wake your people up: the house is on fire, someone has broken in (…and they had better NOT try to steal my toys!), the alarm continues to beep loudly and annoyingly and they don’t seem to hear it, or, my personal favourite, BREAKFAST TIME!!!!

I don’t actually NEED a reason, and neither do you. But it helps.

I worked out a way to successfully wake up my peeps:

First, start out gentle. Open up a front paw so that the soft fur between your claws is exposed (but keep your claws in…for now). Softly, slowly swipe this paw against your person’s cheek. This may not work, especially if your peeps (like mine!) are sound sleepers. But if it does work, your people will like it. They think it is cute, and you may get extra pettings and an “Awww… whata cute kitty you are!” for being gentle. I usually try this three times. If it doesn’t work on the third try, I move on to Plan B.

Plan B is simple: Clean your human’s face. I start with the chin and work my way up to the nose. Sometimes, they move their face away. That’s okay; just move to their ear if they do that.

If Plan B doesn’t work out, Plan C is this: try sticking your claws out and lightly brushing the hair back from your human’s face (sometimes, I clean their foreheads while I am at it).

If they are very stubborn (like my Daddy), they may either pull the blankets over their heads or roll onto their stomachs. The blankets can easily be moved out of the way – just use your claws. If your person rolls over, however, you are forced on to Plan D.

Plan D goes like this: You very gently climb up onto your person’s back and march slowly in place. Purr very loudly. While you are there, you can clean the back of the neck – humans are pretty filthy creatures. They need all of the cleaning they can get!

If Plan D does not work, you may have to kick your aggressiveness up a notch (especially if you are hungry!). Try climbing onto the back of your human’s head. From there, march downward, making your way to an ankle. Lay down on the back of a calf to keep it steady. If the foot is exposed, give it a couple of licks, and maybe a nibble. If the foot is under the covers, dig your claws into it a little.

You may not get the “awww… whatta cute kitty you are!” that you would get from being gentle, but you will get your point across… and you’ll get breakfast!

… And breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Yup = Yes

Me: “Thank you.”
Cashier/Coworker/Whoever: “Yes.”

Yes??? You’re confirming that yes, I thank you?

Reminder: The proper response to “thank you” is “You’re welcome!”

Are we that lazy now? We simply cannot be bothered with three syllables? We needed to cut it down to “Yup”? And who came up with this “yup” crap, anyway? And if we wanted to shorten the phrase —because my GOD, using it might cause us to have to, I don’t know, draw in an extra breath?— wouldn’t we cut it down to something like, I don’t know, “Welcome”, maybe? I know you’re probably saying, “But Vaness… that’s STILL two whole syllables!”

I guess we can’t have this:

Me: “Thank you!”
Cashier/Coworker/Whoever: “Come!”

And saying “wel” just sounds stupid.

So how about, just for the heck of it, we stick with “You’re welcome” or “Welcome!”?

At least, until something better than “Yup!” comes along?

1. Thanksgiving Day Dinner!
2. Feet…especially MOMMY’S feet…at night…when she’s sleeping…heh, hehhhh!
3. String, and anything that looks like string!
4. Catnip. Lots and lots of catnip…plant of the gods!
5. Plotting Mikey’s demise.
6. Eating moths: they taste great!
7. Sleeping…..zzzzzz…..
8. Bird Watching!
9. Brushing my own face!