September 6, 2011

  • The Birthday Song (Added Lyrics)

    I used to spend my birthday at The Oyster Festival in Norwalk. The first year that I did that (I was turning 19, I think), there was a kick-butt local blues band playing. They played Feelin' Alright, and they played it really well. I loved it so much that it became "my birthday song".

    I haven't been to The Oyster Festival in years, but every year around my birthday, I am sure to listen to my birthday song at least once. I turn it up real loud, sing along, and sort of dance (one can't really call what I do dancing - haha). This year, I'm sharing it with you:


    Seems I got to have a change of scene
    Cause every night I have the strangest dream
    Imprisoned by the way, yeah, it could’ve been
    Left here on my own or so it seems
    I got to leave before I start to scream
    But someone's locked the door and took the key

    Feelin' alright, (uh oh)
    Not feelin' too good myself, (uh oh)
    Feelin' alright, (uh oh)
    Not feelin' that good myself, (uh oh)

    Boy you sure took me for one big ride
    Even now I sit and I wonder why
    And when I think of you I stop myself from cryin’
    I Just can’t waste my time I must get by
    Got to stop belivin' in all your lies
    Cause there’s too much to do before I die

    Feelin' alright, (uh oh)
    Not feelin' too good myself, (uh oh)
    Oh no, Feelin' alright, (uh oh)
    Not feelin' that good myself, (uh oh)

    (Feelin’ alright) Don't you get too lost in all I say
    Yeah, but at the time you know I really felt that way
    But that was then and now you know it’s today
    I can't escape so I guess I'm here to stay
    ’til someone comes along to take my place
    With a different name and a different face

August 30, 2011

  • The Sam In Pictures


    This is The Sam, napping with his pal, Twister.

     
    Out in one of the doggie play yards.

     
    Asleep in my arms.

     
    After a walk out in the rain...

     
    Catching some rays... and some ZZZs, too!

    These are all up on my Facebook, I think, but I thought it might be nice to share them here on Xanga, too.

  • The First Lady of Song

    There will never be another Lady Ella.

August 29, 2011

August 26, 2011

April 13, 2011

  • The Sampler


     

     

    The three women I knew best:My mother, her mother, and her sister, my Auntie V, were all good with needlework. My mother sewed things like curtains, pillows and bed clothes (she sewed clothes, too, but she didn’t really like to). My grandmother crocheted and embroidered. Auntie V could do it all… and she did it all very well.

     

    My favourite clothes as a child were all pieces designed and made by my Auntie V. She knitted sweaters,hats, mittens and scarves for me as well. Nothing she made ever itched, and it was all pretty.

     

    I wanted to be good at some kind of needlecraft, too. My mother said I was too young to learn how to use the sewing machine. I couldn’t crochet (all I managed to make was one big, ugly knot!), and when it came to knitting, I was all thumbs (Later in life, I learned a little; I can knit a simple scarf, but that’s about it). I tried my hand at embroidery, and it stuck. With an old instruction book and some practice,I did all right.

     

    I wanted to embroider everything. And I did: Jeans, shirts, jackets, canvas bags, curtains, and pillowcases… Nothing made of fabric was safe.

     

    A few months after I had embroidered pretty much everything I owned, my Auntie V and her husband, Uncle C, had a big cookout at their house in Redding Ridge (also known as “Out In the Country”). It was sort of a family reunion, with tons of people and lots of food. I went into the house, looking for the little bathroom on the first floor (I often got lost inside their house; it seemed like a big maze to me.).Walking down the hall, I encountered a framed piece on a wall. I thought it was a painting (Auntie V did a lot of painting in those days; I remember thinking that this was “a new one”),

     

    Then I got closer to it and saw the stitches.

     

    The piece itself was nothing unusual: a vase of flowers. It was the variety of stitches, and the perfection of each flower that held me there.

     

    I pushed a footstool up against the wall and climbed on top of it to get a better view.

     

    There was no glass over it. I smiled. Inspected my hands: clean and dry. With one clean, dry finger, I began tracing the flowers. Different colours. Different yarns. Some were silky and soft; others were thicker, rougher, and coarse. “Ooh… pretty,” I whispered to the framed fabric.

     

    “What are you doing?” Auntie V’s voice broke the spell. Startled, I nearly flew off of the footstool. She caught me, laughing.

     

    I hopped down from the footstool. “I’m sorry.”

     

    “For what?”

     

    “I just wanted to see it up close.”

     

    Auntie V looked at what I was looking at. She laughed. “That thing? I did that years ago!”

     

    “You made this?” My eyes went wide.

     

    She nodded. “This is one of my first samplers.” She paused and thought. “I made this long before you were even born.“

     

    “It’s so pretty,” I gushed.“The stitching is so neat!”

     

    My aunt smiled. “You really think so?”

     

    “Yes!” I wasn’t done gushing: “It even feels good!”

     

    “Well, thank you, Vanessa. I’m glad you like it.”

     

    After I used the bathroom (Auntie V helped me find it, on the other side of the house… I really was lost!), we headed back to the party. I stopped in front of the vase of flowers again.

     

    “Do you think I could ever embroider like that?”

     

    “From what your mother tells me, you already do!”

     

    I smiled and blushed. “Nah…but I’m going to keep trying. It’s fun!”

     

    Over the years, I spent many weekends in that house. During each visit, I would find some time to admire the vase of flowers. Sometimes I would trace over the stitches with a finger. Other times, I would just smile at the perfect blooms. A couple of years after Uncle C passed away, Auntie V sold the big house out in the country. She moved around a bit and I never saw The Sampler.

     

    About 8 years ago (It will be eight years in May), Ken and I got married. My Auntie V had moved to Tennessee a few years before (where she still resides, close to her two sons and her grandchildren and her great grandchildren), and was unable to make it to the wedding. We received a large, nearly flat package from her, a day or two after the event.

     

    “Oh, my…” I said under my breath, my fingers immediately reaching out to trace those perfect stitches.

     

    Ken thought something was wrong, because I started crying. He rushed to my side and peered into the box.“What is it?”

     

    “It’s The Sampler,” I breathed. When he looked puzzled, I added, “My Aunt made this long ago. Before I was even born.”

     

    I am still trying to be that good: Neat, fancy stitches in beautiful colours, varying textures. I keep trying. It’s fun!

     

     

     

     

     

     

December 22, 2010

  • All I Want For Christmas...

          
                  

    I don't want a lot for Christmas

    There is just one thing I need


    I don't care about the presents
    Underneath the Christmas tree

    I just want you for my own


    More than you could ever know

    Make my wish come true...

    All I want for Christmas is
    Sam...
     



December 14, 2010

  • The Raspberries

    About mid-July, 1976, my grandmother and I went outside, to the back of the garden, each of us carrying two mason jars. We giggled all the way: It was time to pick the raspberries.

    The raspberry was, is, and always will be my favourite fruit. It was Grandma’s favourite, too, since she was a little girl. We liked them in pies and tarts. We liked them on top of ice cream. For dinner parties, my grandmother would make chocolate twigs and serve them with fresh raspberries for dessert. My grandmother made raspberry preserves; they were supposed to be for Christmas gifts, but they hardly ever made it to other people... because she rarely made enough. That was because of our favourite way to eat raspberries: Right off of the vine (Well, Grandma called them vines; to me, they’re more like stalks.). Carrying four jars out to the back of the garden was ambitious; normally, we’d be lucky if we filled two jars before we went inside, stomachs full and faces and fingers dripping with sweet-tart red juice.

    We filled three jars with raspberries, even though it felt like we each had eaten three jars full of raspberries. We pelted one another with the overripe berries; we had little red blotches all over ourselves.

    Grandma and I giggled and ran from the very back of the yard, where the raspberries grew, to the front of the house, just in time to see a pretty car backing out of her driveway. Walking toward my grandmother’s front door, suitcase in hand, was my mother’s Cousin Steve.

    “Hey!” I squealed, putting my two jars (one empty) down on the driveway and running up behind him.

    He turned around, big smile on his face. “There’s my sweetheart!”

    Steve got down on one knee and held his arms out to me. I stopped short of hugging him and looked down at myself. I looked up at him through the hair that fell over my face. “I have raspberry juice all over myself,” I said in apology.

    “I don’t care,” he said, pulling me in for a bear-like hug. “Auntie!” he said over my shoulder. He said something in Hungarian and started laughing.

    I pulled back and frowned at him. I hadn’t understood what he said to my grandmother.

    Still laughing, Steve said, “I was just saying, with the berries all over your faces, you could be twins!”

    The three of us went inside. After Grandma and I washed up, I held a full jar out to Steve. He took a couple raspberries out and popped them into his mouth.

    “These are swell,” he said. “Are you going to help your grandma make preserves?”

    I shook my head. “I only get to watch.” I popped a raspberry into my mouth, imitating Cousin Steve. “Are you gonna help her?”

    He shrugged and took a few more berries from the jar. “I can help you watch.”

    My grandmother came in and took the jar away. “Don’t eat them all!” she said, taking a few for herself and giggling.

    “Now, Auntie,” Steve said, “You and my Lady of the Green have had a bunch. I only took a few.”

    My grandmother put a few into his hand. “You did not pick any of them,” she teased.

    That evening, after dinner, Steve and I sat on the parlour floor while my grandmother watched television from the sofa. He’d brought finger-paints and big paper; we painted for an hour or so.

    “Auntie,” Cousin Steve asked, “Could we maybe have raspberries for dessert, please?”

    “No,” Grandma said. “I’ll never have enough for preserves if we keep eating them.”

    Steve stood up. “Well, Sweetheart... Want to take a walk with me?”

    Of course I did. I never turned down a walk with Cousin Steve. He liked to walk after dinner and smoke a cigarette. Usually, we walked out of the front door and either went to the beach and back, or around the block a couple of times.

    This time, he led me through the kitchen, toward the utility room door.

    When Steve picked up the first empty jar from the kitchen counter, he turned to me with a finger to his lips. Shhh.

    I smiled. I knew what we were going to do.

    He picked up a second jar, and handed it to me.

    Once outside and heading toward the back of the garden, Cousin Steve said, “Now, no eating ‘em. They have to all go into the jars this time, Sweetheart.”

    “Okay,” I whispered (There was no need to be quiet, but it felt right to lower my voice.).

    We filled both jars. We moved really fast (and I remember thinking, “Gee, it goes by so much faster when you don’t eat the berries!”) and when we were done, Steve smoked a cigarette.

    “Isn’t it nice that the raspberries come in twice a year?” he asked me.

    I nodded, smiling. “They’re my favourite!”

    “Mine, too,” he said. “When I was a boy, I helped your grandma pick them.”

    “Really?” I took one of his hands and fidget-danced; I could never keep still. It used to drive my parents (and my Auntie V.) crazy. It made my grandmother nervous. Cousin Steve didn’t mind; a lot of times, he danced along.

    “Yes,” he answered, giving me a twirl. “It was at the old house, mostly. Then, when your grandparents moved here, I got to help plant the garden. These raspberries,” he pointed toward the back of the garden, “All came from two or three plants from the old place.”

    “All of them?” I asked, still dancing and switching to his other hand. I thought for a minute. “Was the garden at Grandma’s old house just as nice as this one?” I asked.

    Steve shook his head. “No... That was tiny. This is much bigger. Much nicer.”

    He bent down and kissed my cheek. “And this one has a Vuhn-essa in it!”

    I giggled as we went back inside.


    When my mother, my younger brother, Tadpole and I moved into my grandmother’s house in the summer of 1980 (just before I turned thirteen), the garden was not its usual self. My grandmother had been ill (Dementia, and she’d had a few strokes) and my Uncle Joe Bagga-Donuts, who lived just up the road, was having heart problems. Uncle Joe paid a neighbourhood kid to cut the lawn once a week, but there was no one to take care of the garden.

    Brother #3, The Professor, was a professional landscaper (when he wasn’t a professional furniture builder/repairman). He offered to help with the lawn. My mother gave him free hand. He tore down the garden and planted grass. He tore out the raspberry plants. I didn’t speak to him for weeks. To me, ripping out the raspberries was like removing our grandmother from her own garden.

    The next May, my grandmother passed away in a nursing home.

    That June, the raspberries grew at the back of the garden. The Professor was stymied. I was thrilled. The plants bore no fruit, so he ripped them out.

    The same thing happened the next year. Then, the raspberry plants pretty much stopped sprouting up altogether.


    Years later (1999), Ken (my then-boyfriend, now-husband) and I moved into the old house with my mother and Tadpole on June first; we were having a little financial trouble and just needed a few months to get our act together. The first night there, long after Ken fell asleep, I walked outside to have a cigarette.

    I was sad, and wondering if Ken and I had really done the right thing, with this temporary move into Grandma’s old house.

    Tadpole came out from the utility room door. He lit up a cigarette and held up a small flashlight. “...Somethin’ I wanted to show ya,” he said, beckoning me with the flashlight. I followed him into the back yard, where the back of the garden used to be. I hadn’t been back there in years.

    “Holy shit!” I yelled, and then covered my mouth. There were raspberry plants from one end of the yard to the other, all along the back fence... about four times the width of the original garden.

    And there were berries... not ripe yet, but close.

    I looked at my younger brother, my mouth hanging open.

    Tadpole shrugged. “It’s still Grandma’s garden.”

    In my heart, I knew that I was welcome at Grandma’s, and so was my future husband, Ken.


    My cousin, M., who owned Grandma’s house, had to sell it. That was back in 2006, when my mom moved into the apartment next door to ours. They knocked down my grandmother’s house (actually, someone set it on fire first!) and put up a big duplex, no room for a garden.

    Talking to old neighbours, I found out that no matter what they do, the raspberries come back every year. I chuckle whenever I hear it.

    Grandma’s a feisty little thing... and she loves her raspberries.